And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
