i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
