god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got inside last night via doggy door
Randomize
