and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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