508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
the condom got lost in my hair
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
