"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
