why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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