So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
