Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
