omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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