I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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