Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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