his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
