he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize