let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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