he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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