The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
