3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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