my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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