Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize