a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
