where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
