Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
