Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
