So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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