I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize