Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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