Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
