I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
