he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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