Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
