Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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