OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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