is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
