I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
