I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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