I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
