I'm passing your future prison.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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