So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
we should paint friendship bongs
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