You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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