If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
