Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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