Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
