I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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