oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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