Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
