I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I would ride that face into the sunset
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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