he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
