P.S. I can't hear my feet
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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