There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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