is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
