So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
