Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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