she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
