If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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