i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
