atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize