i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
