TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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