And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
