Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize