I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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