You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
