Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
