So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
