i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
